Lie Down - Sleep Training Part 2

To start I must just mention that I began writing this post at the end of February when the whole standing in the cot issue started. It has taken me this long to finish the post, mostly because the time when I used to write while my son put himself to sleep I have now been taking part in a wrestling match with him instead.

When I wrote the sleep training post I thought I had managed to navigate myself around the need to hold your child down in order to go to sleep but no such luck. It turns out we were just slightly delayed in that department. I had friends who were wrestling their little ones to sleep and, although I was sympathetic, it is only now that it’s happening to me that I truly share their pain.

This week, although he was able to sit up from his tummy before he could crawl, Curious George has discovered that he can sit up and stand in his cot. The first time it happened I was sitting in the rocker behind his cot waiting for him to chatter himself to sleep. There seemed to be much more rustling than usual, like the sound a burrowing hamster makes in saw dust. You'll know the sound I mean if you had one as a kid or if your kids have one. Along with the squeaky running wheel it’s the reason my hamster lived in the bathroom at night. But enough of the aside back to business.

I hear this rustling noise and a little giggle so I peer round the side of the cot and I’m greeted by a very proud smiling face. “Hey mom look what I can do, I rule.” He was so proud of himself and it was so cute that I ended up laughing. But then all I could think was “oh no no no” I thought we had managed to navigate around this stage. Haha no such luck. Now what?

Fortunately I had had a conversation with my close friend when her little boy was doing this and I remembered the gentle lean technique Dr Bentley has suggested so I decided to just to go with my gut and keep him lying down. I sat down beside his cot and every time he flipped over I turned him onto his side or back again before he could stand up. This led to a lot of frustration on both our parts. It also led to mommy and baby tears but eventually, with a lot of patting and singing, he got too tired to fight and fell asleep. Those first few days were horrid and all I could think was, 'but I've already been through this process, now I have to start again.

Of course this was not only a day sleep issue. We found that at night any time he roused from sleep enough his body would automatically sit him up and then he'd be awake. This lead to more gentle leaning and more crying and more exhaustion.

As a short aside let me describe to you how I did the gentle lean technique. Once I had laid him down I sat beside the cot on the floor and put my hand on his side or tummy and patted him. As soon as I felt him rolling over I would place my hand (open) gently but firmly on his upper thigh because I never held firmly enough to hurt him sometimes he managed to turn over and then I would put both my arms in and turn him onto his back. Please know that I absolutely did not hold him down forcibly or hurt him in any way. The main purpose of the gentle lean is to help the baby to understand that you can only sleep when you're lying down.

Unfortunately I have little good news to reassure you about this stage of sleep training. It is very tough and for us it lasted over a month until he had gotten so strong that he simply kicked me and I could not get him to lie down. That's when I decided it was time for phase 2.

So now we give kisses, say 'I love you it’s time for a sleep now' then we lie him down and walk out of the room. As I've done in the past we tried this only during the day for about four days until he was used to it. The first day was terrible because, as you can imagine, he cried a lot. I sat in the lounge with my head in my hands using every ounce of self-control not to go in and help him. After 5min of screaming I decided to go in pat him till he calmed down and then leave again (that's what all the sleep books suggest) but he never calmed down. The longer I was in there without picking him up the more upset he got. Eventually I left again deciding to hell with all the books I would have to just wait it out. Eventually after 20min things grew quieter and he did put himself to sleep. Those first few days were very trying but he did get the message. The best part was that he now seemed able to put himself down again during the night.

Once he'd mastered the day time we started doing the same thing at night. He also then went back to sleeping from 7pm till 4am - what a blessing because I think I was seriously starting to lose my mind. I also must mention that during this time I was at an all-time low and felt like a terrible mother because every sleep was a huge fight. It was very draining.  

So it turns out that the crying thing really does work - as horrible as it sounds. The other realisation I have come to is that with some children sleep training is an on-going task. Now that I’ve re-read this I realise how terrible it all sounds. If I read this I would not want to attempt sleep training at all – all too scary. However let me reassure with one highly important point, it does work. When you can finally kiss your child good night, put them in their cot and walk out it truly feels worth all the effort. Bedtime is no longer a huge hour or more long fight to get Curious George to sleep. Now it’s a half hour affair, including a milk feed, a story and prayer time. It wonderful to have some couple time in the evening and even have the energy to cook a dinner that doesn't come out of a  convenient plastic bag.