We have been having a lot of trouble in our house with kids hitting kids. Ok so
let's be honest it's not just hitting. It's hitting and ....... kicking,
biting, sitting on, standing on and just generally trying to hurt each other.
It's been driving me batty.
I've tried time outs and taking away TV and of course shouting. So far no deterrent has worked. So eventually I just thought 'ok I give up'. Then after I had spent some time feeling sorry for myself I decided I needed some more tools in my parenting toolbox. The ones I had just weren't cutting it.
So I took Siblings without Rivalry off the bookshelf and started to read. At the same time I started to ask friends for advice on how they deal with the general nastiness that sibling relationships can deteriorate into. With the help of these two resources here's what I did.
1: Call a family meeting.
2: We discussed what a bully was. Then we discussed what a bully might do. This conversation was inspired by a post I saw on FB called Is it Bullying.
3: I asked the kids to give me examples of times they had been bullied and to tell me what they had done in return.
4: Then I got then to describe time when they were angry and what they did to the person who made them mad. Both said they would never hit someone. 'That's not right mom' I was told.
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| The poster CG made. With two people punching |
I've tried time outs and taking away TV and of course shouting. So far no deterrent has worked. So eventually I just thought 'ok I give up'. Then after I had spent some time feeling sorry for myself I decided I needed some more tools in my parenting toolbox. The ones I had just weren't cutting it.
So I took Siblings without Rivalry off the bookshelf and started to read. At the same time I started to ask friends for advice on how they deal with the general nastiness that sibling relationships can deteriorate into. With the help of these two resources here's what I did.
1: Call a family meeting.
2: We discussed what a bully was. Then we discussed what a bully might do. This conversation was inspired by a post I saw on FB called Is it Bullying.
3: I asked the kids to give me examples of times they had been bullied and to tell me what they had done in return.
4: Then I got then to describe time when they were angry and what they did to the person who made them mad. Both said they would never hit someone. 'That's not right mom' I was told.
'Noooo' they chorused.
6: 'Ok that's great, well done. Are you guys bullies at home.'
They both looked a little taken aback and JB immediately got an impish smile and said 'No'. CG looked sheepish and said, very slowly, 'yes'.
7: 'Oh dear guys, I think you are definitely bullies at home. Is that a good thing?'
8: Once we had all agreed that we needed to stop being bullies at home to the people we love we moved onto what the consequence should be for hurting each other.
9: After a few overzealous ideas from CG it was decided that an immediate time out without a warning would be the punishment.
10: It was also decided that we needed to have some posters up to remind us all about our 'House Rules'.
11: We also decided (with some mom prompting) to make No Bullies posters for the house.
After all of this I am happy to report that the incidences of physical fighting have gone down. They are still at the stage of yelling 'No Bullies' at each other anytime things look like they might get physical. We have had a couple of time outs and even Mr E (2mnths) has had his turn in the quiet corner. It's definitely not a fool proof solution but at least I am shouting less and there are less hurts and tears.
I will try to keep you updated on how long it lasts.
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