A mother's worth

This year for lent we have undertaken to get rid of 40bags of things from our home in 40days. The weekend before last we attacked our store room and my architecture projects from varsity. I've gotten rid of most stuff over the years but this was my portfolio and all my favourite projects. At the time I didn't realise just what an impact the simple act of getting rid of 10 year old pieces of paper would have on me.
But two weeks late I still seem to be reeling from the effect. It's been subtle and often I don't even realise what's wrong but somehow I feel like that act was the final nail in the coffin that was the life I thought I would be leading. Please hear me that I love being a mom, I chose this path and have been skipping (often tripping) down it for the past two and half years but a part of me keeps wondering what if.....
What if I'd stuck with architecture, what if I still worked in the film industry (I often get asked when I'm coming back), what if I,d waited longer to have my babies, what if I'd traveled more, what if I'd started my own design firm or become a photographer or any of the numerous other 'cool' things I planned for me life long ago.
All these what ifs have made me feel a little worthless and unimportant recently. After all my day consists of cleaning high chairs and bottoms a lot of the time. Not cool or glamorous. So I decided to help myself feel more worthwhile I'd have a look at what it would cost to replace me. Now I know you can't place a monetary value on motherhood or your own self worth but the world sure does it to everyone else and somehow I thought it would make me feel better to.
So I went online and looked at what an Au pair who works 8-5 (although of course I work on a 24 hr shift which never ends not even on the weekends), who can drive and who does shopping and cleaning and of course has a degree. It was hard to find any actual amounts but I found a website called www.sitters4u.co.za where people can place ads for Au pairs and what I found made me feel much better.
I hope this person will not mind me using their ad as an example:
New Long term Au Pair position available in Parkhurst, Johannesburg. The family is seeking a candidate aged 26 to 40 who is fun, but hardworking, happy to follow a routine and structure and must be organized with at least 5 years relevant experience. The position involves the care of the clients 8 months old boy and 3 year old girl.The role entails: Helping to make breakfast for the baby, make toddler lunch and help with dinner when parents are running late.
The working hours are:
Monday: 7h30 - 17h30
Tuesday: 7h30 - 17h30
Wednesday: 7h30 - 17h30
Thursday: 7h30 - 17h30
Friday: 7h30 - 17h30
(Possibly Saturdays once in a while)
The salary range is negotiable from R9000 per month negotiable depending on the experience and training of the candidate.
So I figure that seeing as I am highly qualified what with my honors degree and a degree in eduction underway, my experience, the fact that I make all dinners, do bath and bedtime, night feedings, sleep training, make toys, play games, improve our home, shop and drive my children around I should be earning anywhere between R15 000 and R20 000. So even though I know you shouldn't base your self worth on what you earn this excercise definitely made me feel more worthwhile.

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